Mother’s Day is on Sunday and I have decided to do something a little different for my Mother’s Day post. A letter to that special girl in my life. My first born. My beautiful daughter. The reason I am even able to celebrate being a mother.
My Dearest Kylie,
On this day, 8 years ago, my life changed drastically. At the age of 19, I found out that I was pregnant with you. I was overwhelmed with so many emotions. The biggest one being fear. I was afraid. All of a sudden I was in charge of another human life. I had to nurture you while you grew inside my body. I had to figure out how your father and I could provide you with a life that you deserved. At the time your daddy was on workers comp because he had injured his back and shoulder when he fell down an elevator shaft at work. I was working full time but I only had a high school diploma and I didn’t make very much money. I hadn’t even experienced life so what did I have to offer you?
The thought of becoming a mother terrified me but it also gave me something to look forward to. I just knew you were going to be a girl. Your dad and I only decided on a girls name. I only looked for girls stuff when shopping. Not to mention the number of women in our families outweighs the number of men. Not that any of this really mattered because I would have loved you no matter what you were. However, call it mothers intuition, I knew in my heart your were my little princess! At 19 weeks, we found out that you in fact were going to be a little girl!
Throughout my pregnancy, I would lay around playing mother daughter songs on my belly so that you would hear them. I would have sang to you, but well, you’re here now and you have heard my singing. I didn’t want to scare you before you entered this crazy world.
On January 8th, 2009, the day before my due date, I was extremely anxious. Your daddy and I went to labor and delivery at the hospital and told them I was having back pains just so we could see if you were close to making your grand entrance. I was not even a half a centimeter dilated. (When you are older we can discuss labor and delivery a bit more in depth.) When your daddy and I left the hospital it was almost dinner time so we went to the Green Turtle for dinner. I had heard spicy food could help kick start labor so I ordered hot wings and put on my game face. I didn’t even use ranch dressing to drown out the spice. What do you know, around 9 p.m. that night I started having contractions and I contracted all night long. We finally headed to the hospital around 5 in the morning.
Once we arrived to the hospital the nurses monitored my contractions for about a half hour and then they admitted me. I didn’t really have time for emotions because I was in so much pain and everything was happening quickly. Once they admitted me, the started me on a medicine called Pitocin to help speed up the labor process. The doctor came in around 7:30 and broke my water. I received my epidural aka pain medicine around 8-8:30 a.m. and by the time 11 a.m. rolled around, I was fully dilated. It took 37 minutes exactly for you to make your entrance. You were 7lbs. 12.4 oz and 20 inches long. You had a head full of hair and you were absolutely gorgeous! The moment I laid eyes on you, my heart knew no greater love.
Here we are 7 years later and you are just as gorgeous as today as you were the day you were born and then some. You have been a true blessing in my life. All of that fear I felt when I found out I was pregnant with you, I have felt it your whole life and I’m sure that will never go away. The fear of not getting it right. The fear and joy feeling every emotion you feel. It’s all some heavy and scary stuff. But, you are have made me who I am. You have made me the mother that I am. You saved me. You helped shape me just as much as I have shaped you. You have been my strength and my reason to keep pushing forward in life. You keep me young and full of life. I would not be the mother I am today without you.
Every day you make me proud. You are such an amazing kid. You do exceptionally well in school. You are responsible in many ways. You are very talented. Recently, you became a big sister and in just the 2 months that your little brother has been here, you have proven yourself to be an awesome big sister. You are my little helper. You are my go to girl. You are my tiny dancer. You are my best friend. You are my daughter. You deserve all things life has to offer. On this Mother’s Day I am choosing to give credit where it’s due. Thank you Kylie Elizabeth for making me a mother and for shaping me into the mommy that I am to you and to your brother. I love you with all of my heart and I only pray that our bond grows even stronger as we both grow older.